This weekend was a pretty laid back weekend - after the stress I had at work this last week and the stress that I know is coming this week, a laid back weekend is just what I needed (the stress is due to a coworker who is now out on leave and who was supposed to be working on this project, but as far as I can tell, didn't do much of anything and I'm taking it over now that she's gone and we have a deadline!!! UGH!!!).
Anyway, back to the laid back weekend. Friday night, I was exhausted, so I came home and ate dinner and soon thereafter, fell asleep. I think I slept close to 12 hours that night. Saturday morning, I got up to go walking around Greenlake while Jon & Alyssa ran. I wasn't sure if I was going to go or not (being exhausted and all) until that morning, so I didn't ask to see if anyone wanted to walk around with me. After the walk, Jon and I met some others to go see X-Men 3. It was an o.k. movie - I was quite bored at some points in the movie. It just wasn't as good as the other 2.
Sunday morning, Jon and I went to my doctor's office for an ultrasound. The clomid worked again - just not on the side it needs to work on, so nothing is happening this cycle. The doctor recommended this Mayo protocol which involves a higher dosage of Clomid (joy!) along with some injectables (more joy!). I want this to work, but I am not looking forward to all the drugs - especially the ones that need to be injected. Have I mentioned that I am not a fan of needles?
After the appointment, we went to Costco, then later I went to the bead store to purchase a bead (x7) that would represent me on the bracelets or necklaces my support group is making for each other. Each person would have a bead from each person on their bracelet/necklace. I found a bear bead - I figured that was a good representation of me. We are having our beading party on our normal meeting day (Tuesday). I'm looking forward to it.
Then later on Sunday, Jon and I joined Kelly and Michelle to watch The Da Vinci Code. It was a good movie - I'm not sure what the critics didn't like about it. The only thing I didn't like was some changes they made from the book in the movie, but I suppose they always do that.
Then this afternoon, Jon and I went over to Hamlin Park. Jon ran around this track at the junior high near the park, while I walked around it. Walking around the track is not nearly as exciting as walking aroung Greenlake.
The rest of the weekend involved doing some chores inside and outside the house - though there is still a lot of outside chores to do. :-( It never ends!
Spoilers below:
Regarding X-Men 3 - the only thing I wanted to say about this is something I already mentioned at the theatre - why didn't Wolverine's pants come off if his shirt did when he was walking up to Jean Grey/Phoenix? ;-D
Regarding The Da Vinci Code, Sauniere isn't Sophie's grandfather? Why did they change that? And Michelle mentioned this, why wasn't Sophie's brother there at the end? Oh, and I don't remember Fache being so involved in the whole thing like he was in the movie.
3 weeks later and I finally finish book #11 of the year. Book #11 was Sammy's Hill by Kristin Gore. I enjoyed the book. The book was about a staffer for a Senator who then becomes a campaign staffer when the Senator is running for VP. The main character was a bit Bridget Jones-like, but not too much. I found it a little humorous that the current President in the book was named Pile (which made me think pile of s***) and he was an AWFUL president that a lot of people couldn't wait to get rid of - sound familiar?
Anyway, good book. And as usual, the movie rights have already been sold.
Now I'm trying to figure out what book to read next. I have so many choices!
I guess I was right - things have changed since we got back. I want to get out of this funk. I have no motivation to do anything today, but I continue to do the stuff I need to do. I had this big long post written, but I don't know if anyone wants to hear me talk about this stuff anymore. I'm getting kinda sick of myself feeling this way. Luckily, tonight is support group - it will be good to talk about it for a bit.
I said this to some online buddies and I'll say it here too - I am just so ready for it to be over with, but I'm not ready to give up.
You know what was nice, the new girl in our department, went out to McDonald's the other day - got a happy meal - and gave me her bear. That was so sweet! Ooh, I just thought of a name for this one - "Amie" - the French word for a female friend.
This weekend, Jon and I drove over to Spokane for a busy weekend.
Friday night, we joined my sister in going to see my brother in Laughter on the 23rd Floor at Interplayers. I enjoyed the play - it was quite funny.
Next up for my brother is Bullshot Crummond which I plan to go see in 3 weeks if anyone wants to go back to Spokane with me!
On our way back to my parent's house after dropping my sister off at home, we got to see some really cool lightning.
Then on Saturday, Jon and I did some shopping (luckily, by the time we left my parent's house, the rain had slowed down considerably from what it was just an hour before), met my family for lunch, then went to a wedding reception for Paul & Ally. We had a bit of a scare when we couldn't find my niece (she said she told us she was going outside with my husband and nephew, but we didn't hear her), but other than that, I had a good time. It was nice to see Ally sing her song again - the same one she sang during her wedding.
After the reception, we met some of the [geeks] for some food and drinking at Jack & Dan's. It's a bit nicer than I had expected it to be (I had never been in there before) - it may be because it recently expanded.
And on Sunday, we went out to breakfast with my mom, Jon, my brothers, and my brother's girlfriend. After breakfast, we headed over to my sister's to say goodbye before heading back home around 2. Just as we were getting close to Seattle, the rain really started to come down. That sucked. I hate driving when it is raining that hard.
We finally got home a little before 7. It was so nice to be home, and I think our kitties were happy to see us too.
So with all this, I didn't have much time to think about things. Now that we are back home though, that may change. We'll see. It would help if the weather was a bit nicer then I'd be more inclined to go walking around Greenlake or whatever to keep myself distracted.
I just wanted to say thank you to those of you left comments or sent me an e-mail the other day when I found out the IUI failed. I know that it can be difficult for you to know what to say, but for those that commented, your comments were wonderful. I really do appreciate it - it makes me feel good to have such good friends. And thank you, Kelly for walking around Greenlake with me before my acupuncture appointment on Wednesday - distractions are good.
I'm still having my moments in what is basically grieving. I had a bit of a breakdown at work yesterday (and after I got home on Tues.) after coming back from the doctor's office. The doctor (well, the not doctor since I didn't get to see my doctor since she was called into surgery) didn't say anything bad - if anything, she still says my chances are good because of my age and because they still haven't found what is causing the infertility (other than the "blocked" fallopian tube on the right).
My breakdown yesterday was just a combination of things - the failed IUI, crap going on at work, being around too many pregnant women, etc. I don't know what I'll be like this weekend. Thankfully, it looks like I'll have plenty of distractions.
Anyway, I just wanted to say thanks. You guys said some wonderful things to me, so thank you.
I think I may have posted this before, and I don't think you guys need it, but in case anyone is ever interested in reading an article on what to say and what not to say - this article seems like a good one to me. I came across it while reading one of the blogs that I read. Also, this post was written by the woman I mentioned a few days ago who passed away from ovarian cancer - it is really a beautiful post.
Happy birthday to my mom! She turned 29 today! It's amazing that we are both the same age! ;-D
Hope you are enjoying your day! See you soon!
Love,
Heather
One should not watch an emotion-filled tv show (Grey's Anatomy) when one is already really emotional. I came home yesterday and just couldn't contain my tears, then I stupidly thought, "I should watch the rest of Grey's Anatomy".
Only read below if you've seen the episode or you don't care about spoilers...
It was sad with the dog being put to sleep and Izzie with Denny. :-(
So sad.
However, after I got it all out (the tears, that is), I went to my support group meeting and had no tears to give. I guess I got it all out of my system.
I made an appointment for this Thursday morning to see the RE, but they called me last night to say that she can't be there because of surgery or something, so I'm seeing someone else - not a doctor. Just frustrates me a little.
After 4 years of being permanent employee of this company, I finally have business cards. I feel so important now. ;-D
Does anyone watch Grey's Anatomy? I watched Sunday night's episode last night and the first hour of last night's episode, but Star 101.5 (the station that my alarm is set on) decided to tell me all about the ending of last night's episode before I could get up to stop them. You know, in the age of DVR's and Tivo's, why would they think that everyone had watched the show yet?
Anywho, that isn't why I wanted to write this post. The song that they played at the end of Sunday night's episode just really seemed to fit what was happening in the show so well. So I went to go look up what it was on the Grey's Anatomy Music Guide site (all show websites should have such a guide if they don't already), and I knew it sounded familiar, it's a song called "Somewhere a Clock is Ticking" by Snow Patrol. It's a very haunting song - that's just the only way I can describe it. And I can't stop listening to it today. I like a lot of the songs off the "Final Straw" CD.
Another song that they played, this one in the first hour of last night's episode, that I think really fit what was going on is a song called "Universe & U" by KT Tunstall. I really have enjoyed this CD.
Whoever picks the songs for that show, I think, does a great job.
The IUI definitely did not work. I'm going to make an appointment to see the RE on Thursday to see what to do next.
This weekend started out nice. I went out to dinner with Ally @ Jai Thai, then we came back to my place and chatted for a bit.
Then on Saturday, I went to the Cheese Festival with Michelle, and like Michelle, ate too much cheese. Afterwards, I went home and read my book outside on my deck rather than doing yard work. Blech! Then I came back in and tried to catch up on some tv.
On Sunday, Jon, Kelly, Adam, Maddie, and I went to Carkeek Park and walked on one of the trails there, then walked down by the beach. Unfortunately, no dogs were allowed on the beach, but we still got a view of the beach and the mountains. It was a very nice view.
After that, we came back home for a bit before heading over to Joby & Alyssa's for a birthday BBQ. Food - good. Cake - good.
After the BBQ, I came home to watch the Survivor finale. I was a little surprised that Aras won since I heard rumors that Danielle was going to win.
Then this morning, we all know what happened based on prior posts. :-(
Since I had my car at work today (I didn't want to be in the vanpool today), I decided to go over to McDonald's and get a happy meal (I'm going to regret eating this grease later) for a little Build-A-Bear to help cheer myself up. I got the one with the little red swimming trunks and named him Angel.
I just noticed that his color is "Heather Brown" - how fitting that they gave me that one.
I wrote this as I was going through the process of IUI #2...I wanted to tell so many of you what was going on while it was going on, but I just couldn't... I hope you can understand why I would want to keep it private until we had the results... and we have them today - and it isn't good.
Thursday, April 20
Went to the doctor for an ultrasound and no cysts, so she suggested doing Clomid again.
Saturday, April 22- Wednesday, April 26
I took the Clomid for 5 days - hot flashes and mood swings (not sure if the latter can be blamed on Clomid, but I'm blaming it anyway).
Saturday, April 29
Went to the doctor early in the morning for an ultrasound to check to see what, if anything, the Clomid had done. The doctor said that things looked good - and finally, the left side had the dominant follicle. He wants us to come back the next day to see if any progress had been made with that follicle. I was optimistic that it looked like we'd be able to do another IUI, but I didn't want to get my hopes up just yet.
Sunday, April 30
Went to the doctor again, he took some blood (holy crap, did that hurt - and it was really bleeding when we left - blood had completely gone through the cotton gauze they put on the wound) and said that the left side is getting to where it needs to be, so we could go ahead and do the trigger shot tonight and the IUI on Tuesday morning. I'm excited, but completely scared about the shot - which will happen in the next hour (it is now 8:30 p.m.). I spent most of the time at Adam's today being nervous about this shot. I HATE NEEDLES! I'm even more nervous about it because Jon isn't a professional when it comes to shots - though if we have to do this anymore than this, he may become one. Especially if we have to do an IVF.
I'm also feeling scared. One of the reasons I didn't go the RE for the longest time was that I was scared of the disappointment. We had tried an IUI before, and it obviously didn't work. And I was depressed afterwards when I knew it hadn't worked. I am afraid of going there again. I can feel now just how depressed I will be if this doesn't work - and I can't imagine what I'd feel if I was doing an IVF which costs so much more.
I really hate this. As some have said in this crappy world of infertility, it feels like we are being punished and fined for having bodies that don't want to cooperate and bear children. So many women can get pregnant so easily - why - WHY does it have to be so difficult for women who I know will be so wonderful mothers and for men who I know will be such wonderful fathers. I know Jon will be the best dad - I have seen him with my nieces and nephews and they ADORE him. UGH - I'm crying as I write this and I know I should be in a happier and more hopeful mood, but I'm just not. I don't know if this will work, but I will regret it if I don't try. This is the time that I wish I could share with everyone because I really could use some support while I'm feeling the way that I'm feeling; thankfully, I do have my support group - which has been a blessing for me at this time.
Anyway, in less than an hour, I'll have the shot and hopefully, be on my way to getting pregnant with our first child.
Monday, May 1
Well, the shot went o.k. last night. I was freaking out about it, and I'm sure Jon was nervous too. It burned for a bit and is still a little sensitive even today, but it wasn't that bad. I'm sooooo happy it is over with though.
So I don't know what's going on with me - the people in vanpool really irritated me this morning - more so than normal. If gas didn't cost so much, I might consider leaving the vanpool. I just don't know what else to say there.
Right now, I'm a little nervous about tomorrow, but not nearly as much as last night - which makes me think that the shot was causing a lot of my anxiety.
It's 3 hours after I wrote the above and for some reason, I just feel like crying and my tummy is hurting. I don't know why I feel this way. I wish I didn't. Tonight Jon is going over to play guitar with Ally, and I'm tagging along as Ally invited us over for dinner as well. I think once I get out of work and go enjoy the outside world for a bit, I'll feel better.
Tuesday, May 2
I was scared as I was driving into doctor's office not only because of the IUI but because my temp went up - the doctor told me it wouldn't be a problem, but I'm not so sure. The whole process stung a little and was unpleasant for about 30 seconds. I'm always nervous that I'm getting up too soon afterwards - she told me to lay there for 10 minutes (so happy I brought my book with me), but it just feels like I should lay there for longer.
She said that everything looked good - now I just wait and hope that it wasn't too late.
About an hour or so later, the cramping began. I'm glad I stayed at home today. Laying down helps.
I went to support group meeting - met new girl. When I compare what I've gone through with what others have gone through in trying to have a baby, my story seems so small and not worthy of pain.
Wednesday, May 3
Early morning: still some cramping, but not as bad. I'm completely nervous that any move I make - any cough I make - will make it so it won't happen. I'm told to eat as much pineapple, especially the core, so I'm trying to do that in hopes that every little bit helps.
I went ahead and told my family last night (well, my sister, I told today). I wasn't going to, but I just can't keep something like this from them. I just asked that they not ask me about it - that I will let them know when the time comes to let them know any information. My mom actually thought that I was calling to tell her I was pregnant - if only.
And I just have to say that if either of my brothers have children before I do, I will scream and go crazy. That's all I have to say about that.
Around 1:30 - I've been thinking about this song that I heard the other day. I had heard it before, but the words just seem to speak to me now. It's called "Calling All Angels" by Train. I can't stop listening to it today...
And now 2 hours later - my thought is "wow. what if it actually works this time?" I mean there is that possibility, right? Right? That's why we did this - for it to work. For me to get pregnant. For us to have a baby.
Much later: Went to acupuncture tonight. I think my body is getting used to the needles and spots that used to hurt, don't hurt anymore. Spent part of the time there fantasizing about being pregnant and sharing the news with everyone.
Thursday, May 4
Just a tiny bit freaking out. What a difference from yesterday. I don't think the IUI will work - I keep track of my temps on Fertility Friend, and that site says ovulation occured on Monday. Nooooo! I was nervous about doing the IUI when I woke up on Tuesday morning and found my temp had jumped .7 degrees from the previous day - which normally indicates ovulation has occurred - not that it will be occurring. I asked my RE about it, and she didn't seemed to think it would be a problem for us to go ahead with the IUI. If it doesn't work, then a different protocol will be followed if we do another IUI (which we will probably do). This is all frustrating - SO MANY women get pregnant "for free" and it looks like I will have to pay a buttload of money for me to get pregnant. So much for our children having a good college fund - we'll be spending it just to have them in the first place.
Watched Survivor tonight - it's about time that Shane left!!!
Friday, May 5
Noon: I am so incredibly anxious. I need this to stop! I still have another 11 days at the very least before I'll know if this worked or not (leaning toward the not - but miracles do happen, right?) I'm still listening to that Train song, but now I've added KT Tunstall songs into my iPod to listen to, as well as some songs that my niece wanted me to get for her from Aly & AJ.
3 p.m. - Told my boss that we did the IUI - though I didn't tell her exactly when we did it. I wasn't planning on telling her, but she asked how things were going so I told. I'm so bad at keeping this to myself. I guess I just want the support for when I get the results. It is times when I feel like this that I feel like I should tell people who read this blog, but there are only 2 people here at work that know, my family, and 2 friends outside of work...I think that's plenty for now.
Feeling better now. I really want some caffeine though. I am so tired! If I went home right now, I could just lay down and sleep until tomorrow morning (at least, that's what it feels like).
Saturday, May 6
Woke up and walked along the Burke-Gilman trail with Adam and his dog, Maddie while Jon and Alyssa ran. I was a little nervous to run because I'm not that in shape and I didn't want to hurt any chances I had. Later, Jon and I went to go see a movie, then had some lunch. Even later in the day, I went over to Alyssa's for a craft night where I finally made a beaded necklace and bracelet.
Sunday, May 7
Woke up and walked around Greenlake with Kelly, Adam, and Maddie while Jon and Alyssa ran. Just got back from going to Costco. Next up, a party with my support group that the husbands were invited to. Should be fun. I'm not so sure Jon feels the same way.
I'm cramping a bit in my tummy - I hope that isn't a problem. :-(
10:15 p.m. : I continued to cramp a little bit as we went over to a friend's house for our support group gathering with the hubbies. We had a wonderful time and the food was wonderful. Jon said it was a lot better than he had expected. I am continually so glad that I found this group through Resolve.
And now fertility friend is saying that Wed. May 3 was the day of ovulation because of the temps that I had yesterday and today. Interesting. Maybe it wasn't too late after all.
Monday, May 8
noon - so freaking tired. I really need to get more sleep. Though it was really sweet when Oliver came and laid down on my chest from about 4:45 until my alarm went off at 6. So cute!
Why, oh why, did I have to forget to charge my iPod? I had to listen to a really annoying conversation this morning in the vanpool.
Tuesday, May 9
1:30 p.m. - after the initial start to the day, which was annoyance that my iPod was being stupid, the day ended up somewhat o.k. I just saw this person from my vanpool who is pregnant, and I just noticed that she's showing. I think I just don't have an opportunity to notice when we are in the van. It kinda depresses me. She just seems to have this perfect little life and got pregnant exactly when she said she would - which is just nauseating to me (heh - if only the nausea was because I was pregnant).
I keep listening to that Train song over and over and over again - "I want a reason for the way things have to be. I need a hand to help build up some kind of hope inside of me" - my favorite lines of the whole song and what I really feel like most days.
Tonight is my support group meeting - of which I am looking forward to. They are coming to my house tonight which meant we had to clean up a bit last night - it was supposed to be at another's house, but she might have a pet emergency, so it was moved to my house.
Wednesday, May 10
10:21 a.m. - I'm cramping. That's making me nervous. I still have at least a week to go before I may have any results!
Tomorrow is the baby shower at work. That should be a blast! The wonderful ladies in my support group was offering to call me for an emergency so I would have to miss the shower or to go out with me later that night if I wanted - they are so sweet. Hopefully, it will be fine. If I get uncomfortable, I'll just leave.
2:29 p.m. - In the past couple days, I have read my blog friends either get the results that they've been waiting so long for or just the opposite. Today, happy results - finally! After 4 IVF cycles! Maybe this is why I just feel like crying - I'm happy for her - I am so happy for her, but I'm so afraid that this IUI won't work for me and neither will the next one and we'll move onto IVF and that won't work and we can't do it multiple times. I know I should stay positive - after all, these fertility treatments do work, but sometimes they don't! It's just that this whole thing has been one big f***ing rollercoaster ride and I would love to get off soon - PLEASE! Yes, normally I love rollercoaster rides, but this one, not so much.
Thursday, May 11
10:14 a.m. - Just thinking about the baby shower makes me want to cry. Seeing her so close to giving birth makes me want to cry. All I want is to get pregnant, have a healthy baby, and raise a child. Am I asking too much? Apparently so. Right now, I would be so happy with just one child. I'm glad, at least, that the shower is before I get the results as opposed to after. I'd be a complete mess if it was after - if I do get negative results.
I just can't get out of this baby shower - I really don't see how. I couldn't have called in sick - I have too much work to do. I can not go - especially since it is such a small group of people (it isn't even the whole department that's invited - just those in my division) - it would be noticeable if I didn't go.
Dammit, my tummy is cramping. And for some reason, the area where Jon gave me the shot is bothering me. It was bothering me yesterday too.
And could there have been any more mother's day ads last night during Lost? The only show I watch while it's on, and there had to be a mother's day ad every other commercial.
1:36 p.m. - I didn't think that the baby shower would have such an effect on me as it did. I just feel like crying. And I have 3 more hours left before I can go home. Luckily, there weren't any games, but there was still the pregnancy/baby talk that most of the women could be included in. And the oohs and aahs as the gifts were opened.
It's all too depressing for me right now, and maybe, just maybe, I'll have a positive pregnancy test in a few days. I can only hope - hope seems like such a foreign concept to me at this point.
Friday, May 12
8:51 a.m. - Maybe it's because of what's going on, but I feel overly emotional right now. I just happened to come across a sad story in which 100 penguins were found dead from being soaked in oil. Just sad. :-(
10:58 a.m. - Damn this cramping. Will it ever end? Unless, it's good cramping - in that case, keep it coming.
4:03 p.m. - can it be 4:30 already? I really need to get out of here. The cramping is becoming less of a dull pain to kinda making uncomfy to walk.
I learned of the death of an individual whose blog I have been reading for a while. She died of ovarian cancer and she was only 33. So incredibly sad.
Saturday, May 13
11:04 p.m. - Tomorrow is Mother's Day. A day that I would love to celebrate. Maybe next year, I'll be able to celebrate this day. I'm quite tired. I should probably go to bed. I didn't have a very restful sleep last night. I'm not sure why. I just kept waking up. It was nice that I at least got to sleep in a bit to help offset the restless sleep.
I'm trying to keep myself occupied tomorrow so I don't have much of an opportunity to think about the fact that it is Mother's Day. I'm going on a walk in the morning, then to a BBQ later in the day. Today I went to the Cheese Festival with Michelle and then came back home and read my book outside on the deck for a while. For the past few hours though, Jon has been out with the guys, so I've been at home by myself trying to catch up on some tv.
Well, anyway, I should try to go to sleep.
Sunday, May 14
12:50 p.m. - Well, today is Mother's Day. I think that this day bothers me even more so because I'm toward the end of the IUI cycle and knowing whether or not it worked. I went and walked around Carkeek Park with some people, so that was a nice distraction even with the many numerous kids that we saw there - especially over by the beach.
I'm going to go call my mom and wish her a happy Mother's Day, then I'll go read my book for a bit until it's time to go over for the BBQ.
Monday, May 15
8:20 a.m. - It looks like the IUI failed - although the cycle hasn't officially ended, my temperature dropped quite significantly so it's only a matter of time. I'm completely devastated. I had a feeling it wouldn't work, but I still had some hope that it would work. I can't stand this. I don't want to be at work today, but I felt like I couldn't call in. I don't want to be at home alone either - though Oliver is so sweet in coming up to me this morning to check to see if I was o.k. as I lay in bed crying. I'm sure he would keep me company.
And, of course, one of the first things I see when I walk in is a Thank You card from my pregnant coworker for the presents we gave her at the baby shower last week.
That's all I'm going to say now. I'll write more later. I don't want to start crying here at my desk.
Update - Tuesday, May 16
It's official. The IUI didn't work.
I didn't know this person. I only read her blog, and yet I am upset by the news of her death. While she was trying to conceive her first child, she found out she had ovarian cancer. She won the initial battle, only for the cancer to come back. She was only 33. 33! It really does put things into perspective.
A while back I got this song called "Closer to You" by Brandi Carlile off of iTunes for free. It just popped up on my iPod and I really like the song. I haven't bought the CD (yet), but her other stuff sounds like it will be good too. (According to Amazon, customers who bought this CD also bought KT Tunstall and/or Anna Nalick). She's apparently from around Seattle, so I'd be supporting a local artist. :-D
Ever since Jon got me those flowers, Oliver has been jumping onto the kitchen counter to get to the flowers. He must chew on them - it's important! So we've been putting the flowers upstairs during the day while we are gone so he doesn't chew the flowers and break the vase in the process. This morning, he jumped onto the kitchen counter again - actually, it was the oven. I yelled at him and sprayed him with the water bottle. He got down. He then walked into the livingroom, with what sounded like him slamming his paws against the floor, and walked right past the scratching post (and even looked at it), then moved over to the loveseat and started scratching away - and the whole time, he was looking at me while he did it. I yelled at him again and he then started scratching the scratching post. My kitty has such an attitude (which is kinda cute, but we won't tell him that).
That song "Bad Day" by Daniel Powter just came up on my iPod, and I do feel like I'm having a bad day. I'm not sure many people will understand why though. And I really wish I didn't feel this way. It's hard to want to be happy for someone at the same time you feel all torn up inside.
The whole day I was dreading this baby shower at work. I'm already scared that I will never get pregnant, then I have to go endure a shower for someone who is pregnant and this is her 3rd child! Then the shower came - the food was good, but the talk was not. How can I feel happy about the talk? I want to join in on the talk, but God or nature or both or whatever is keeping me from that every single month. I'm just not a happy camper. And I really need to feel hopeful right now.
1) Woman claims she was fired from Catholic school job because she underwent IVF. That just sucks, but not surprising considering how the Catholic church feels about fertility treatments. At least, some think the church should change its position on the use of condoms in the fight against AIDS.
2) Speaking of infertility - an article on frozen donor eggs.
3) Stories like this really make me angry.
4) NSA collecting huge database of phone records. I really don't care if it is legal - why would they need such a huge database?
5) Bush apparently thinks he is not only in the Executive Branch, but also in the Judicial and Legislative. I had a longer post written about this, but I don't think I'll post it quite yet.
A woman that recently joined my support group told us about these wonderful books on how to tell children how they became part of your family - including through IVF, Donor Egg, Surrogacy or Adoption. Hopefully, I won't need to use any of these options, but if I do, these books seem like they would be helpful.
Apparently, Mickey has been flying around Seattle since yesterday. He will only be here through today though.
This weekend was quite busy.
Friday night, I came home to find Jon was already home and he was making dinner and he had bought me flowers. So sweet!
Saturday: In the morning, Jon and I met Alyssa and Adam at Matthews Beach to run/walk along the Burke-Gilman Trail. Then later, Jon and I went to go see Thank You For Smoking. I liked the movie, and surprise, Jon did too! It was nice to see a funny movie to keep my mind off of things. Later that night, I met the [geek] women for a craft nite - I made a beaded necklace and bracelet while everyone else knitted or crocheted.
Sunday: In the morning, Jon and I again met Alyssa and Adam for some walking, but this time Kelly joined us and we went to Greenlake. Then afterwards, I made my way to Costco to buy some things for the potluck dinner Jon and I were going to with my support group and their husbands. We had a really good time!
Monday: O.K. I know it isn't part of the weekend, but I am so annoyed I forgot to charge my iPod last night. Annoying vanpool conversations - well, really, it is just annoying vanpool person.
I've heard this song called "Black Horse and the Cherry Tree" by KT Tunstall on the radio and enjoyed it quite a bit, so I went to go listen to her other songs on iTunes. After listening to it, I decided to get the CD since the songs seemed like something I would enjoy and it was only $8 something. I'm having a hard time describing her voice and songs - her voice is kinda raspy and the songs - well, a couple remind me of Melissa Etheridge, while another reminds me of Norah Jones, while yet another reminds me of Anna Nalick.
Most of the songs are really good - including the one above, but there are a couple that I'm not sure about yet - they may grow on me or they may not. And most of the songs are nothing like the Black Horse song. I've listened to the CD about 3 times so far, so I think I can feel safe in recommending the CD to anyone who likes the singers I mentioned above.
I wanted to buy a Missy Higgins CD (recommended by bitterkat), but I'll have to save that one for another time.
At the request of my niece, Kendall, I also purchased a couple songs from Aly & AJ - one is called Rush and the other is called No One. I like the first one -the second one is o.k. too, but it may take some time to grow on me (apparently, the 2nd song is on the Ice Princess soundtrack).
The one where I mention Lost, 62 year old pregnant women, Apple ads, and more!
First, did you see Lost last night? I was not expecting that! And I don't know if anyone noticed, but there was an ad for the Hanso Foundation to kick start some interactive game. I tried calling a couple times and got through once but only listened to all of the options - I didn't select one though.
Second, I read this article this morning of a 62 year old woman who got pregnant with a donor egg IVF cycle. I wouldn't want to have children that late, but I guess, if I wanted to, I could certainly try and it might succeed.
Third, has anyone watched these Apple ads with John Hodgman from The Daily Show? I haven't yet...maybe when I get home tonight. Unfortunately, I don't have the ability to watch them at work. :-(
Fourth, apparently it is free comic book day this Saturday if anyone is interested.
Fifth, did anyone hear about Stephen Colbert's appearance at the White House Correspondents Dinner? Here's the transcript and video.
Sixth, a gun that fires teddy bears with parachutes? Just odd, but maybe a must have. JUST KIDDING!
I heard this song the other day on the radio, and even though I had heard it before, it didn't really speak to me until I heard it the other day... I've been listening to it over and over again...
It's "Calling All Angels" by Train...
Here are the lyrics (italics mine)...
I need a sign to let me know you're here
All of these lines are being crossed over the atmosphere
I need to know that things are gonna look up
'Cause I feel us drowning in a sea spilled from a cup
When there is no place safe and no safe place to put my head
When you feel the world shake from the words that are said
[Chorus:]
And I'm calling all angels
I'm calling all you angels
I won't give up if you dont give up [Repeat x4]
I need a sign to let me know you're here
'Cause my TV set just keeps it all from being clear
I want a reason for the way things have to be
I need a hand to help build up some kind of hope inside of me
[Chorus]
When children have to play inside so they don't disappear
And private eyes solve marriage lies cause we don't talk for years
And futbol teams are kissing Queens
and losing sight of having dreams
In a world that what we want is only what we want until it's ours
[Chorus x2]
Calling all you angels [Repeat till fade]
I finished reading Thank You for Smoking by Christopher Buckley yesterday. It was a fun book to read - though I don't think I particularly liked the ending. I found myself feeling sorry for the main character - who is a tobacco lobbyist. It's funny how he can get people to say or do things without them realizing he talked them into it.
Anyway, funny book and now I need to go see the movie. Anyone want to go with me?
In keeping with the Washington, DC locale of my books, next up is Sammy's Hill by Kristin Gore (daughter of Al).